Fading lights

 
I pump my legs
harder faster
i want them to hurt
slightly intoxicated
somewhat enlightened
i reminisce
i observe places
paths walked
thinking about
conversations had
it was the best time of my life
the happiest too
its over
it is now cemented
as i go down these paths
the more i recollect
the more it hurts
the pain feels like the worst i felt
but its the best
i want it to hurt more
i want it to all stop
i go closer
in to the light
i dont wanna listen
to the same tired words
telling me about my youth
my inexperience
i dont care for any of it
if this is what life turns to
i dont want it
i recollect more
this time
mistakes
i regret every one
i will not lie
i will not act tough
i regret every single mistake i made
since that one faithful date
0 people will understand
2 words i just wanna hear
2 people that i felt were fate
7 lights just keep coming
0 chances ive been told
8 ways i just want to end it all
if only i could go back and change every thing
as i ride further the lights
become larger
i hear a screech
and it all fades to black
 

Tired of falling

I'm tired if this
I'm just so tired
I'm tired of feeling alone
Feeling sad 
Crying by myself
Holding my self
Feeling like I'm falling falling falling
And no one is there to catch me
Like I'm slowly dying 
Like I should end it quick make it painless 
I remember being happy 
I wish I was happy 
I wish I felt warm
I felt secure I felt important again
I don't know if it will ever come
I wish it could be all simple 
Flip a switch, push a button 
All is fixed 
But it's not 
I know that's too easy
All I want right now is not another go
Another chance 
I want to know that I'm not hated so much that I'm non existent 
That I may be a chance again one day
But right now all I want to be at least is a friend
A friend with benefits would be nice 
But a friend would do just fine
I want a friend to hold me
Tell me it's ok 
To tell me that I'll be happy again
To catch me from falling
I don't want to keep falling 
I fear hitting the ground
And I don't know how much longer I'll be falling