What I need

I know it's not perfect
I know I'm not the man you want me to be
I know our relationship is rough at times
I know I make you wanna give up
I rather be with you
A interesting woman that I love
Than some one I don't
I believe there is only one true love in a persons life
I find myself lucky that I found you so early
I know we are meant to be
Even with my flaws
I know I have broken your heart
hurt you many times before
I know you don't believe me when I claim to change
I know that I have driven you away with my near insanity
But I love you
It's so hard for me to just give up or stop
I know you need this space to recover
But my brash actions got the best of me
I couldn't leave you alone
I lied to you
I hid from you
And most of all I hurt you
I have done all those to the point where you don't want to try
I understand
But I still want to try I don't want to give up
You are my one and only
If you leave I will save myself for you
I will try to change for you even if your gone
So if you do come back maybe I can finally be the man you want me to be

Because that's who I want to be

Hoping not to be alone

Here I lay
Alone in my bed
Aching for my companion
Fears spread in my mind
My worst fears my come true
To wake up everyday alone
To have no one to wake with
No one to sleep with
No one to laugh with
Make love with
Or even live with

The need is primal
But the mate I want isn't normal
She is my dreams manifested
Some days when I wake
I see her there
Next to me
And then I can't believe this gift
That the woman from those dreams are there

The only thing any human could want
The perfect companion always there
Always hoping that the love never dies

I hope for my life she's always there

Lies

Lies

Lies are never alone
They travel in packs

Once one is told many arise
If it is by will or not they simply appear

They all cling together
Forming a shallow web

They all fight together
For one common cause

They fight to ruin lives
Be mindful of words spoken

Resolving them isn't easy
Even truth seems like lies

It becomes hard to tell the difference
From fiction and fact

No matter how hard you try
Once you start

Even when you think of the truth
You still speak lies

By turn and turn
Mistake and mistake

You try so hard
But it seems so futile

Only when the web is gone
Can you return to those once more

But even then all around
Those whom got caught

Take your words with doubt

And Relapse comes too easy with doubt

Changes

It's a different day different time
As days go by things change
It's something I know
Seasons change
Friends change
and feelings change
It's something
I all understand
Even in a year a lot can change

It's strange but after 3 years something has never changed
My feelings towards a woman
No mater what happened I still love her
And no matter what will happen I will still love her
It will remain a constant in my life
I know this as not thought by law of my mind

She is a perfect being
One of which I consider my perfect mate
One of perfect mental prosperity
One of perfect physical form
And one of which my soul can bond to
A soul mate if you will

The prosperity I know with her is the happiest I have ever been

But I changed her
I have hurt her
I took the trust she built with me and shattered it

I changed her love for me
I broke the bond between us
And now I pay for the misfortunes I brought

What was once something we felt so strong now so fragile
I know I'm not perfect it so so clear
My imperfections hurt my so
If only I could be that Ideal

maybe things wouldn't have changed they way they did

Perfect drug

Perfect drug


Looking back at everything
I may feel a little,
Ashamed,
Regretful,
Horrible

But I feel as if
for every stumble I have had
For every mistake I made
For all the times I disappoint
And all the times I made you hurt
I would give everything I could to take it away

If I could I would rewind time
Do everything again right
Make sure everything is perfect
Just for you
But look at me just dreaming I suppose

I would take back every fight
Undo every mistake
And myself look past the common lazy way

I still feel connected
I still feel as if we are one
Every time we part I lose half my self

It seems like an addiction
I have the signs of withdrawal
Depression, anxiety, cravings
I can't stand the thought of losing you
I'd do anything to keep you
And I never want to be cured

I guess that's the problem
Being addicted to the perfect drug